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November 1, 2002

I guess I hadn't realized how much candy I had collected the night before until I tripped over it in the dim morning. Friday had finally come. I performed my usual morning routine of cleaning, dressing and feeding. The cats wouldn't let me forget, whining and pawing at the door. Billy, my macaw was very vocal as well about her hunger. My parents don't always remind me to feed them, for they're usually working in the morning. I didn't forget anyway, and brought them their food and coffee while they worked.

School stresses me. I know I have no room to talk about stress- there are definitely others far more stressed than I- but it bothers me how far behind I actually am. I question whether or not I'm going to finish high school. At this point I just flop back in my chair and sigh heavily. What am I supposed to do with my life without an education? I have to get through this. It's really not a choice, it's a finality. Ihave to get through this somehow.

Today was relatively uneventful. I snacked out on my candy most of the day. Sad, I know. I just did my schoolwork and cooked the meals, cleaning up between. At one, I had a piano lesson and it went rather well. Other than that, it was just schoolwork. I'm sorry to say there wasn't more. At ten, I got ready for bed. Staring at the darkened ceiling, I wondered what I was supposed to do in life, what my particular niche was. I'm so used to being told what to do; I may not make it in the adult world. Taxes, business, relationships, sex, marriage, kids… then again, I'm only sixteen so I guess I don't have to worry about those things yet. I'm not near mature enough to make it on my own. It's a little hard to tell what kind of person I'm going to be five years from now. On my own, maybe sharing an apartment with my boyfriend (whomever and wherever he may be) or maybe I'll have a house and a fiancé, a good job that pays well, my car in the driveway, two more years of college to go… but then I realize I'm dreaming. I wake and it's morning already.

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November 2, 2002

Getting out of bed, I shook my head at my silly thoughts. Today has enough problems of its own to worry about, no need to dream about tomorrow. My morning routine was a bit slow today, serves me right for staying up late thinking.

Well, today we wouldn't have to worry about work. We packed our bags and headed for Siesta Key, Sarasota. We decided three weeks ago that we would have weekly vacations to the beach. It's just so relaxing, fun, and even educational. Two days of sun, sand and a good novel to put over my face while I sleep on the white beach.

I found one of my new favorite flowers (can't remember it or even pronounce the name) are the pink, yellow and white Hawaiian variety that the natives make leis with. Their fragrance is the very essence of the tropics. Nothing reminds me more of talc-powder beaches and swaying palms than the smell of that flower. I never thought such things grew in Florida. (Since discovered these are plumeria, or frangiapani.)

They have the best restaurants in Sarasota. I can never get enough of the Siesta-caught seafood. The hotel that we usually stay at is in the center of a large congregation of good restaurants.

I basked in the sun and made sand sculptures out of the perfect softness that was Siesta Key sand. My parents played gin rummy, their own way to relax. I lay under the canopy of umbrella and watched the pelicans crash into the water in groups of twos and threes.

Later that night the parents went out to dinner with some friends so I, of course, was to stay in the room, which I did gladly. It was a nice room; pretty wallpaper, lovely view. I watched the TV 'till I lost interest and went to bed.